percygranger: (Hiding 'cause I love you)
[personal profile] percygranger


I've been away too long. From posting, blogging, sharing my thoughts, such as they are, with the world. I love you people I interact with in fandom, and I always wish to do more, and don't for various reasons. Mostly misplaced guilt, I think. I should but I don't and then I don't because I should and haven't...

I have been blogging, in a sense, to myself, in a document called "And Now, The Weather" because it did indeed start out as somewhat poetic observations of the cold, and WTNV references amuse me. It quickly turned into more than the weather, though. I'm doing a sky scarf project (found here if you care to look, one knits two rows of colors that reflect the sky that day, daily for a year) because I was lamenting about not having spun with any regularity for seven months, and it nominally being a document about what the sky looks like... Well, a small perfect storm of inspiration struck! I spun up the rest of the rather large amount of light blue I had, then began other colors, racing the holidays to get at least the lighter colors (white, gray) done before the end of the year. I managed, thankfully, casting on with my hand carded, hand spun, and hand dyed yarn on January 1st! The dark blue and gray have been coming a bit slower since, but thankfully I've had little need of them. 

I've also been writing quite handily of late. November was a real blast, as I attended those word wars meant to support NaNO-er's, and ended up writing 30k, 21k of it one fic! Which is still not done. I'm shuffling forward on it slowly still. God knows when I'll get the gumption to edit and post it, but by gad, I've found my way into longer writing!

I have an odd process (have I spoken of this before? Yet? I honestly cannot remember). I evaluate what I need mentally first, asking myself what I consider to be the relevant plot questions: in this case, "why the hell are the people in canon doing this?" and then give myself a very abbreviated list of prompts, much like a bingo card. I learned to work with bingo cards last year, to my delight. Getting inspiration from a single word was very hard for me at first. Et voila! I use the small prompts to make little scenes, and they add up, and add up...and eventually I'm here with 27k of fic and nowhere to post it. :D

In December my writing suffered from having to spend time with family (mandated fun is a bit stressful, I think: buying gifts and going to parties and just socialization in general. All hail Zoloft, preventer of anxiety.) But having decided to do GYWO again, January has sped along just tickety boo. I find if I'm truly committed to hitting my daily er, daily, then I have a tendency to just float up and up and up... My monthly has been met a few days now, and now I'm just padding that cushion as best I can. :) 

To go back in time, the end of the year felt very meaningful to me. I've found a new church to attend after being away for several years. It's Universalist Unitarian, which basically means a bunch of Christians back in the day thought a) there was only one God, no trinity, and b) a truly loving God would not send people to Hell for not believing in him in this life. And...it's sort of blossomed into a come as you are, believe as you will type of community. There is no creed, no "I believe in God..." to follow, more a covenant of "We promise to love each other, serve the community, and make the world a better place the best way we know how". 

I cannot tell you how much I've enjoyed it, and just felt it was right since I started, way back in August. :) The small community there has welcomed me in, and...I figured out how to put it just a few weeks back: I've always wanted a place to belong, and this is the first that encourages me to be myself to fit in. How strange a journey life is. 

But the end of the year, right! Well, there were services on/near Christmas, of course, and I'd joined the choir just for that particular one, Noel, as we called it. And due to that experience, a bit of a trial run, I decided the group to join full time. Being able to sing and lift people's spirits really is a lovely thing. However, music is wiggly kind of beast for me. I've fallen in and out of love with performance over the years, and I seem to currently be on an upswing. Joining the regular services as part of the choir is bringing back a little of why I didn't do that for a long time, namely that keeping up with the music, and being a minister of it, in however small a capacity, destroyed my own ability to really enjoy and take in the service, with no worries, cares, or other distractions. 

There are some good things to it. I always have access to a hymnal, so I don't have to stumble along with the congregation on new hymns (one has to remember to grab a hymnal at the beginning of service when simply attending, and I'm rather terrible at it). I like having the music laid out, and the positioning isn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be to watch the rest of service. I just...hrm. i suppose every choice has its ups and downs.

I also did a tarot spread for my writing going forward, inspired by the lovely [personal profile] fitz_y . The cards felt very right to me: where am I now? In a very intuitive place. What should I leave in the past? My anxiety. What should I take into the future...well, I'm not sure, community? Mentorship? New stuff for sure! The future is always blurry to me, in tarot and out of it. 

And with that, I leave you. Fare well, darlings. Until we meet again.


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